New Life Live! – October 19, 2009
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Dave Stoop
1. My gay sister is getting married; should I go? [reframe your life]
2. I moved out but I don’t want a divorce; how do I help my borderline husband?[marriage]
3. Should I reconcile with my family from a sexual abuse issue? [surviving sexual abuse]
This entry was posted on Monday, October 19th, 2009 ,
10:59 am and is filed under Marriage, New Life Live! Radio Show, Reframe Your Life, Surviving Sexual Abuse .
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Good advice as usual. I’m just wondering why Jody’s husband hasn’t had mental help sooner. How do people like this get by in life without being confined to an institution? I understand the challenge she has in her parent-child relationship with her husband. But just HOW do these men get by in life so long when they are obviously mentally disturbed, literally retarded in their normal emotional maturity and mental growth, and/or have the brain of a 7 year old in a 40+ year old body?
Comment by Pat — October 19, 2009 @ 5:47 pm
I hear the conflict of the woman who wants to love her lesbian sister without showing approval. It is so important to keep our families connected. My brother was gay and would not talk about it and died of aids. He did not admit he was gay and he did not admit he was sick until it was too late. So if you have a sister, and the relationship is at least committed, and she is alive, that’s a good thing. You don’t have to like it, but stay connected.
My ex husband is gay and like my brother, he never admitted it. He’d deny the obvious and put it back on me being crazy or inadequate. I divorced him 10 years ago and had to bankrupt myself to keep custody of my children. No one wanted to state or affirm the obvious. His denial, his lie, triumphed, and it is only now that the children are grown and on their own that I am beginning to heal from the gaslighting and viciousness. He was very supported by our liberal church who felt I should just get over it. I’ve joined a Bible believing church, yet I still feel that people like me are invisible – no one really ever SAYS anything about this. Or they try to make it out like it is all the same thing as infidelity – the dynamic of having your own sexuality erased is really different.
I know there are lots of us out here because when I talk about it among friends at my church, someone always has a friend, sister, brother, neighbor, etc who had a gay spouse who lied about being gay. I participate in a support group run by the Straight Spouse Network, and it is tremendously liberating and affirming that I am NOT crazy, I did not make this up, and some of his behavior is pretty typical. There are literally MILLIONS of us, men and women, who have endured this, some stay married, many divorce. Yet, like my old liberal church, there is silence on this issue in most faith communities. We talk about porn and sex addiction and things like that – but not about this. Yet my pastor tells me that several people have come to him with this, and he is looking for resources in counseling people like me.
Unless its about changing the gay person, there seems to be no discussion of this – and some of the Christian women in my support group stop going to church because they’re treated as if they ought to be the prayer partner, or they “ought to be happy for their husband”. It is all about the gay one, and not about the straight one. Even here, I am looking for Christian perspective on how the straight spouse heals, and I find some things I can use, but no acknowledgement of our existence at all. No wonder so many of us think we are alone.
So where are the Christian resources for straight spouses to heal and move forward?
Comment by Janet — October 22, 2009 @ 4:59 pm
I attend a well-respected, conservative MEGA church and I’m amazed at how we do not bring issues, real-life issues into the sermons. We all get to look nice and play the part of sanctified folks sitting in the pews, but there are some REAL events going on behind closed doors that apparently not even the church wants to deal with.
If the church body is unwilling or is ill-equipped to address the needs and concerns of its own, how in the world is the church supposed to be capable of ministering to non-believers grappling with the same problems?
Comment by Daily Listener — November 3, 2009 @ 9:15 am